Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
