My room smells like vodka and shame
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
