She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
