you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
