There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So much Jack, so little girl.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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