I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hippo gnu deer
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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