Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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