We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
