none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
