True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize