Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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