So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so let's talk penis.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
