he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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