Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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