shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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