Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
