I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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