I'm going to jail i love you
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
