carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
