Three words: puerto rican gang bang
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
