oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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