Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
