Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize