Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
