There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
