Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
