So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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