Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
