I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
