I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Watching her eat just hurts me
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
