whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
