You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
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just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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