I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
