ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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