Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just want nice things and good sex
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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