I want to make a zoo with you.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
