Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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