After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
