when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
