Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
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It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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