I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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