her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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