get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.