I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life