i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.