paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
