He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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