im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
