they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
