My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
