I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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