I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
