It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
