Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
