I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I feel like abortions should bother me more
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
