I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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