a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
