so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
