good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
