my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize