I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Is this like a preordered booty call?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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