Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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