I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
