I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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