omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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