remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
