In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
