no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
