took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
That was an excessively violent trivia night
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
