Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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