hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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