if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My ass is underappreciated
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
