he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
